Monday, July 25, 2011

Dana White Joins Vince McMahon ‘Kiss My Ass’ Club and the 13 Reasons Why

"Hurry up! Dana's got next!!!"
Before you find out why Dana White has is nose in Vince McMahon's rear end, I would like to introduce you to the author of this utter madness! The crazed fanatic behind the following entry is the newest addition to the FightJerk Crew (yes, we are officially a crew now, two of us, complete with colored bandanas, gang signs , and creased khakis).

His first article here reveals a long-time fight fan who still has not gotten over Zuffa's 2007 purchase of Pride FC. So understand, Mr. Fight Pimp isn't Dana White/Zuffa hatin', he's just one of the many post-Pride fans with severe PTSD.

In typical Fight Jerk fashion, the Fight Pimp goes in with no protection...


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By: "The Fight Pimp"

 Funny thing happened to the sport of Mixed Martial Arts within the past year. The King Kong of all MMA promotions, the UFC, has purchased their only meaningful competition in acquiring STRIKEFORCE, their flagship talent Brock Lesnar suffers through a debilitating illness once again and this years ppv numbers pale in comparison with the numbers of last year.

Then, more recently, this happens -- a report comes out that Dana White visits WWE Headquarters much to the dismay of many zuffa zombies who’s heads have surely exploded once reading the twitter feed. There has been much speculation without any answers regarding their impromptu gathering however these are a few key factors that certainly point to Dana White joining the Vince McMahon ‘kiss my ass’ club.


1. Purchasing Strikeforce
For those that say ‘It was a good move 'like when WWE purchased WCW’. Do yourself a favor and don’t quit your day job…if you have one in this economy. It made sense and dollars for the WWE because WCW had an extensive library from the old Crockett Promotion, NWA and Georgia Championship Wrestling days featuring legendary global icons of pro wrestling such as Ric Flair, Dusty Rhodes, Tiger Mask, Antonio Inoki etc. The library of STRIKEFORCE has Cung Le’s greatest hits and King Mo’s entrance mixtape vol. 3. Not the same deal buddy.

2. Trade Commission Issues
Monopoly…we don’t know quite yet but its never a good thing when you have the feds sniffing round ya ass. That means that all of your streams of revenue have to be legit all the way around. And you wonder why they’re charging 30k for STRIKEFORCE sponsorships…gotta make up for all that under the mattress money their losing cuz the feds are watching.

3. Mis-managing The Ultimate Fighter
Junior Dos aka 'FrankenSantos' is a great fighting talent perfectly created by an evil Brazilian scientist with dreams of dominating the heavyweight division. With that being said, I wouldn’t want him to read anything besides cat in the hat. The language barrier is understandable in day-to-day interactions but not for television. Characters drive the show, Brock is a character however there simply wasn’t any chemistry. Then Brock got sick and you basically have a wasted season.

4. Too Much Emphasis on Brock Lesnar
We know what he does, we know who he is but you can’t put the company’s popularity on his shoulders. His media presence should be shared at all times with more UFC Fighters. The old WWE cartoons didn’t just have Hulk Hogan, they had the rest of the characters as a supporting cast which ultimately helped their popularity.

5. Brock’s illness/The Injury Bug
Dirk Nowitzki and Michael Jordan can get sick and play, not in MMA. The severity of his illness shadows that of the previous mentioned athletes. You can’t have your flagship fighter go down without a marketable replacement. But when the replacements get hurt you have to do things like this…

6. The fake ‘robbery’ and Protection of Jon Jones
So a criminal in Newark New Jersey snatches the purse of an old lady and it just so happens that of all people that could have stopped it Jon Jones was the only guy on the street at that time to not only yell “hey, stop that guy” but he catches up to the criminal and subdues him without getting injured. If this happened in any city BUT Newark I’d say ok, sounds plausible. In Newark the rats are scared of the criminals because they carry all sorts of weapons. A big black guy running down another black guy usually leads to one of them getting a cap in their ass. Not to mention the only guy that appears to have the kryptonite for Jones had to be rescheduled to fight someone else when Jones claims he needed surgery but was really just buying time as champ so he can shoot all those damn commercials and make love to Kirstie Alley.

7. Middle East Investors Still Don’t Like Silva Stunt
The New Jersey incident took place because the show in the desert was cancelled. Why? Many are still pissed about the outcome of last years event and they want to get the R.O.I they were promised, not a Demian Maia Le Mas class.

8. Gay Marriage Beats UFC in New York
Zuffa would have been better off paying Clay Davis to lobby for legislation in New York. They’re obviously getting fleeced by the millions from these guys that they’re paying to convince the powers that be regarding the legalization of MMA. Anyone in NYC political circles knew that the major issue this year would be Gay/Same Sex Marriage. That kinda argument would take up the most time of all things to be considered especially going into an election year. It would have been wise (cost-effective) to save face and sit it out this year. But whoever they paid sure as hell ain’t complaining. They knew it wasn’t gonna get through this year but took the money anyway.

9. The Rise of OneFC and Legend FC
If you carve an atlas you have Canada, North America and South America which Zuffa can say with confidence that they are in the driver’s seat. Europe is still a soccer world with a diverse course of other popular sports that render UFC a novelty show. But when you get to Asia you have two emerging forces that have impressively planted their flags and are primed to do big things. Read the links on OneFC and LegendFC to get the picture.

10. Chael Sonnen get Brian Stann…Really?!?!
Now here’s a guy that gets it. Despite the legal issues and suspensions Chael Sonnen has single handedly sold UFC 116 and can do it again this time in a major way as long as you give him an opponent that can fight as well as raise the ire in the eyes of Chael from every imaginable standpoint. Just make sure you don’t pick a guy that would nullify Chael’s best asset in selling a fight…his mouth. Now that you guys get it be sure to not pick a decorated military veteran with an impeccable story in protecting the country during a time of war. And so they pick Brian Stann. Lose-lose situation.

11. Rent/PPV’s/Tickets = TOO DAMN HIGH
$60 for a pay per view, average ticket price around $160 bucks…in this economy. Don’t they know that rent is too damn high!

12. Mishandling The Undertaker/Brock Exchange
Upon losing to Cain Velasquez the Undertaker and Brock stare down garnered 1 million hits in less than 48 hours. When asked about Brock participating in Wrestlemania which Vince was extremely interested in Dana White had some every aggressive words to say regarding the sharing of Lesnar’s services. Opportunity missed and he didn’t realize it until this years pay per view numbers came up on the company’s bottom line report. The 'Iron Sheik' investment group put the curly boots to Dana's ass and told him to be "humble" and see VKM.

13. New Televsion deal Negotiations
If they don’t go to a major broadcast network it may spell problems. Spike TV has already proven that the UFC needs them more than they need UFC. Cable providers are a muthaF'kA!

Extras:

CM Punk
CM Punk, CM Punk, CM Punk. Listen closely and you can hear Chicago from wherever you’re sitting. The media implications of what he’s done has turned social networking and traditional media on its ear. Pro Wrestling mentioned on ESPN…say no more.

If Dana White is Lex Luthor, Vince McMahon is Galactus.
Last year UFC was riding high now things don’t look so great. Flip Floppy cards, injuries and a host of other factors point to last week's meeting being nothing more than an attempt to apologize for the gruff and side jabs Dana has been throwing over the last few years. Not to mention he hired Paul Heyman two months ago and CM Punk, like Brock is a Heyman guy.

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